44 Ways to Help a Problem Drinker
©2007, Jack Trimpey, all rights reserved.
- Tell him he is powerless over his desire to drink.
- Tell him his problems are driving him to drink.
- Tell him he is congenitally defective, suffering an interited disease, “alcoholism,” that is causing him to drink.
- Tell him that if he could have quit drinking by now, he would have, and the fact that he has not yet quit proves that he has been powerless to do so because of his alcoholism.
- Tell him that if he doubts he has the disease of alcoholism, he is in denial, which is a symptom of the disease of alcoholism.
- Tell him his drinking is a coping mechanism for issues he must yet discover.
- Tell him he’s an alcoholic, and if he think’s he’s normal, he’ll drink.
- Tell him he should find coping mechanisms other than drinking.
- Tell him that some problem drinkers can drink moderately, but real alcoholics cannot.
- Tell him that, if he is really careful, he can drink moderately and prove he’s not a real alcoholic.
- Tell him that he can’t know if he’s a real alcoholic until he finally “hits bottom,” when his losses are enormous and he has harmed many people or possibly killed someone. Then, he’s a real alcoholic.
- Tell him he can never know if he’s really hit bottom or has only reached a “false bottom.”
- Tell him that his logical idea of quitting the use of alcohol and other drugs for the rest of his life is a way of denying that he has a disease, which is a symptom of the disease of alcoholism.
- Tell him that every drunken episode kills off another 50,000 brain cells that are necessary for good judgment.
- Tell him that alcoholics metabolize alcohol differently, in that their livers release yet another substance, “THIQ,” that is more addictive than heroin.
- Tell him he’s a quart low on serotonin, which is why he’s depressed, and that by drinking he’s trying to make up for his seratonin.
- Tell him he cannot expect himself to just quit drinking, but should get help, which means going to a recovery group or to a counselor who has never been addicted or who has not resolved his/her own addiction.
- Tell him that his family is partly responsible for his excessive alcohol intake, particularly the codependents and and enablers that surround all “alcoholics.”
- Tell him he must immediately stop trying to quit drinking altogether, but only try to stay sober, with the help of the Creator of the Universe, just one-day-at-a-time.
- Tell him that, if he just abstains from alcohol without getting religion or spirituality, he will become a“dry drunk,” — a miserable, angry person, incapable of happiness, who will inevitably return to drinking.
- Tell him that he is little more than a bundle of character defects and must always struggle to be good and remain sober.
- Tell him he has issues that make him drink, and that his opinions on everything are worthless.
- Tell him that, for him and other problem drinkers, the act of self-intoxication is an innocent act, a symptom of a mysterious disease they deny having.
- Tell him that, although his drinking is not a moral issue, he is morally responsible for his drunken behavior.
- Tell him that in order to refrain from drinking, he must discover a new interest or satisfaction to replace the gratification produced by alcohol.
- Tell him that by not getting drunk he is creating a deep spiritual void that only God can fill.
- Tell him that he is at high risk of relapse if he becomes hungry, angry, lonely or tired, and that any combination of these constitute being “in relapse.”
- Tell him that he should turn his life over to a deity entirely of his own imagination.
- Tell him he should pattern his life based on the lives of AA old-timers, especially following the example of AA founder Bill Wilson, a lifelong addicto-depressive who demanded a drink on his deathbed.
- Tell him that he cannot refrain from drinking on his own, and that he must have the continuous social and emotional support of other substance abusers who have not resolved their own addictions.
- Tell him that he must form a juvenile, dependent relationship with another substance abuser who is also reserving the privilege of future relapses.
- Tell him that he must rely upon a god of his own creation to restore him to sanity.
- Tell him that “Treatment works!” because the government and addiction treatment experts say it works.
- Tell him he should get substance abuse counseling and addiction treatment conducted by other substance abusers who attend recovery groups themselves, who reserve the privilege of future relapses, and who are sober, one-day-at-a-time.
- Tell him that seeking conscious contact with God by praying daily to Him for good fortune, wisdom, serenity, sobriety, and other benefits is not religious, but something entirely different — spiritual.
- Tell him he must leave his family in the evenings and attend group meetings of the same substance abusers he has been hanging out with for years.
- Tell him he must attend recovery group meetings for the rest of his life, and that any resistance to doing this is a symptom of the the disease of alcoholism.
- Tell him he should fear his desire to drink, for he is powerless over it, and that if he has a moment of desire, he should immediately call his sponsor or get to the very next recovery group meeting.
- Tell him that he has the disease of relapse, and that relapse is a normal, expected part of addiction recovery.
- Tell him that relapses just happen to people, just as with other diseases like cancer, asthma, and multiple sclerosis.
- Tell him that sometimes there is no human defense against having the first drink, that only God can intervene in addictive desire.
- Tell him that he should tell all of his personal secrets and confidential information to everyone at public meetings of irresolute substance abusers held at the town square.
- If he commits a crime such as drunk driving while under the influence, arrest him, throw the book at him, give him a stiff sentence, and then tell him that he was powerless to not drink in the first place. By no means suggest or accept that he might revoke his own drinker’s license; it’s the driver’s license or else. Offer him leniency if he accepts, believes, and acts upon all of the listed items above, 1 - 42.
- As a last resort, when all of these approaches fail, as would seem very likely, tell him that an “alcoholic” is just a self-excusing ass, and that his drunkenness is the ultimate self-indulgence, the ultimate betrayal, the intolerable offense against you. Tell him that unless he immediately quits drinking and vows to abstain under all conditions for the rest of his life, you will abandon him to the natural consequences of his immoral conduct, however painful or lethal they may be. Explain that you love the memory of him before he transformed himself into an animal, and that you want him back under the necessary condition of zero tolerance for any further use of alcohol and other drugs. Tell him if he consumes so much as one drop of alcohol, or takes even one pleasure pill or other dope, he will thereby forsake you forever. Tell him that one-day-at-a-time sobriety isn’t good enough for you because you refuse to continue to live with someone who won’t make a guarantee of loyalty, to forsake the pleasures of addiction until death. Be sure he has direct access to authentic Rational Recovery® learning materials which set forth Addictive Voice Recognition Technique® (AVRT®), so that he may soon come to you and say, “I will never drink again, and I’ll never change my mind.” Then and only then may he begin to apologize for his past drunkenness, for one cannot apologize for something he knows he may do once again. Send him to this link on the Internet:
Make sure he has a personal copy of Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction. By all means review this article on zero-tolerance in the family.
Because he is free to choose between good and evil, he may choose his addiction over you. If he continues to suffer and die, it will not be on your account or in your home, and in your grief, you will know that by choosing his addiction he has granted you the rest of your life to live on your own terms rather than on the terms of his animal nature, and that he has exchanged the best thing he ever had for the cheap thrills of addiction. For that you may be grateful and hope he will suffer the least and finally rest in peace.
If he chooses you, however, you may be on the path toward a reconciliation you’ve longed for, a reconciliation that will restore him to his family, to freedom and to dignity.
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May 29th, 2007 at 11:46 am
I disagree with #17 on this list, since as a certified AOD counselor, that does not have an addiction issue, I have the unique perspective of permanent, irreversible sobriety, and do not desire to degrade myself to the level of the average “pathetic, dumbshit” (Thank you, James Frey!), alcoholic/addict in the interest of “understanding them” at their level. One of my clients recently made the insightful statement that getting advice on sobriety maintenance from alcoholics/addicts, makes about as much sense as getting financial advice from someone who has declared bankruptcy. Logically then, those of us that are smart enough to stay sober should have the intellectual wherewithal to pass on the options an alcoholic/addict has in choosing their sobriety maintenance option! AVRT is just one of several options, but has not been proven to be “The” magic bullet! If it is, I will become one to evangelize it.
June 3rd, 2007 at 10:17 am
This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever come across. You should be ashamed of yourself claiming you can help the alcoholic or addict of the hopeless variety.
So you are saying that if I just had enough will power then I would have gotten it, oh stupid me! It’s not that we have a proven different genetic makeup from others, it’s our will power! Give me a break, oh and let me guess are you a normy (a normal person)?
Did you know that with alcoholism we suffer from an allergy to drugs and alcohol. Would you try and tell someone that is allegic to bees to will power their way through the allergic reaction?
Wow, how much money would you be taking from hopeless people? Good thing cancer has a treatment in the form of radiation and chemo so that you couldn’t pretend to have the so-called answer and charge people for it.
The people I have meet in AA are the most caring and compassionate people I have ever come across, God forbid I have to hang with people that are suffering from the same disease I am.
June 5th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
It is quite futile to go to AA. People who get their act together leave AA. One draws a line under it; moves on.
July 5th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Dear Mr. Trimpey,
I have a currently using alcoholic brother( 1 of 5)who is currently “IN CRISIS” because he threw out his girlfriend who has been “enabling” him for the last 5 yrs.
The house of cards is crumbling rapidly. He was hospitalized last year near to death from his alcohol use and insists that the diagnosed damage to his brain,heart,liver,pancrease and stomach are all the result of “stress”.
Prior hospitalizations for internal bleeding, one of which left him in a coma approx. 30 days were also the result of stress.
I readily admit I was completely taken in of the whole dog & pony show of disease, denial,uncontrollable, genetic etc. I have cried many tears, wrung my hands, lost precious sleep and commiserated for hours with family and friends. As an RN, I guess I’ve been programmed.
HOWEVER, since happening onto your site I feel a deep sense of relief because I have ALWAYS harbored a deep feeling that the alcoholic is really personally responsible for the chaos,calamity,insanity and doom and gloom that surround them and those unfortunates stuck with them.
I do not know much about AA so can’t say yea or nay but this AVRT makes sense to my sensibilities, my moral compass and my inherent belief that good and evil are a choice.
I have e-mailed this post to others and added my own postscipt that as of today I declare myself guiltless of any label (enabler,codependent) that would imply that I am responsible in any way for the alcoholic’s poor choices and judgement.
I will sleep well tonight!! Good luck to you and I will refer your site to others.
October 17th, 2007 at 10:58 pm
Healthy people in recovery do not shift responsibility of there relapses on other people, especially there families. I do not know where you get your information though you are way of course. Ya kn ow what is really funny that your 44 ways to help a problem drinker sounds like it came from an AA meeting. Damn you are full of shit!
November 5th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
I’m curious to how one who holds and preaches such strong original family values could slander and belittle others. To each their own, everyone has a right to their beliefs and if they believe in something you don’t, shame on you for judging. My parents never taught me to ridicule and disqualify the beliefs of others and I’m sad that your original family values did.
I’m just curious, do you hate jews, african americans, christians, homosexuals, for their believes and cultures?
I believe you called everyone who attends this AA syndicate sociopaths. And I could state clearly with a dictionary to back me up that a sociopath does not feel guilt shame or remorse. They are incapable of it. It this were the case for addicted people they would’nt seek help in the first place because they would believe they have never done anything wrong.
To follow another false statement.. You said that self intoxication is an immoral act therefore being an alcoholic makes you immoral. Humanism proves that fully incorrect.
I really hope that you can use your very wonderful skill with words and persuasive abilities to make this reply seem like a 4 year old had wrote it. I hope that one day your original family values falls in line with what our society believes is morally corect (i.e…rape is wrong, murder is wrong, etc.) and I want you to explain if original family values are what willl keep one abstinent. How does a incest rape victim use AVRT/RR?
If original family values are used to describe our society’s values your being terribly misleading.
Oh, I would also like to know if everyone who follow’s AVRT/RR remains abstinent for the rest of thier lives and if not, why doesn’t it work?
Please use words an average person can understand when replying. — Alex
Alex,
I can tell from your message that you are not interested in learning anything about AVRT® or Rational Recovery®. You have made some assumptions about me and about RR/AVRT, and there is probably little that I can do to convince you otherwise. However, I can give some very brief answers to some of your questions.
1. There are two ways of looking at addiction, either as a disease or as immoral conduct. In a disease, drinking/using is a symptom of hidden causes, such as genetics, psychological, or emotional conditions. Without the disease, addiction has always been seen as a moral weakness. AA and other recovery group organizations use the genetic or psychological disease concept of addiction. Rational Recovery rejects the disease idea and treats addiction as a moral failing. In other words, drinking/using is voluntary behavior for the sheer pleasure of it, regardless of what excuses one gives for it, such as to relax, to cope or deal with “issues,” or to feel normal.
The pursuit of pleasure at the expense of others is immoral conduct. I do not hesitate to judge the behavior of others when it places me or my family or others at risk. I don’t have to be perfect to condemn the use of alcohol by problem drinkers. Anyone, including you, can plainly see that drinking/using impairs one’s moral judgment, and no act can be more immoral than to transform oneself into a wild animal with the use of alcohol. Addiction is a moral failing in which one fails to comprehend that his own use of alcohol is immoral conduct. In other words, an “alcoholic” is just a self-excusing drunk, using a disease to make drinking/using appear innocent.
2. You ask if I hate people in certain categories, using racial, sexual, and religious stereotypes. That is because you think I am hateful. That is how you see me, for whatever reasons. I do hate evil, very much. I believe in evil, although you may not. I believe there are evil forces in our animal nature, and I believe there are people who are essentially evil, bad to the bone. You seem to think I am a bad or evil person, even though I have done nothing to you or to anyone you know.
3. You ask if everyone who uses AVRT® stays perfectly abstinent for the rest of their lives. AVRT® is just the addict’s missing moral conscience. It is an expression of free will to choose between good and evil. Yes, many millions of addicted people quit and stay quit for the rest of their lives based solely upon their moral judgment that for them, drinking/using is immoral conduct. Many try to ignore the fact that independent recovery is commonplace and relatively easy. They say, “If you could‘ve quit, you would‘ve quit, but you didn’t quit, which proves you cannot quit.” That is how recovery groups pull down newcomers — like a pack pulls down big game. So, yes, AVRT® is perfect and when people use it, they never drink again. It comes with a guarantee.
4. How does an incest victim use AVRT®? Just like anyone else. Incest victims drink for the pleasure of it, just like all other so-called “alcoholics” drink for pleasure. They make up excuses, as all addicts do, using the excuse, “Someone touched my pee-pee when I was little, which justifies my current drunkenness.”
As I said, I think you have your own way of looking at things, which is through the eyes of your addiction. That makes drinking/using by problem drinkers and other substance abusers an innocent act, which is exactly why people must keep going back to meetings for the rest of their days. Original family values are the only ones that can help addicted people, but unfortunately the recovery group movement now exists to condemn every member’s gene pool and ancestral heritage. Just as murder, killing, and rape are wrong, so is the use of alcohol and other hedonic drugs by problem drinkers and other drug addicts.
Any moron, even you Alex, can not do something, and I have perfect confidence in your ability to decide to never drink again and stick to that decision base entirely upon the beliefs and values you knew by the time you were five or six years old. Sadly, I doubt that you hold yourself to that standard, which is why you remain in recovery year after year. When you’re ready to really quit, AVRT® is available to you, free as the air we breathe.
Jack Trimpey